Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
