Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
