help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
