Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You're like the curious george of whores
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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