4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
