So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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