After last night, I could never be a politician.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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