How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize