Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she peed on how many people?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize