you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
