I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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