I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize