I have demons in me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize