yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
