We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
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