What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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