A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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