the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
