That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
