Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You can't special order awesome
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Are my feet made of real feet?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So much rum. So many feels.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
