My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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