There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We're too hungover to prance.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
