i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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