Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
