We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to sanitize my soul.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
