Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
