meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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