I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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