"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I looked at my own cervix.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
