I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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