perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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