it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
