I hate all girls vehemently.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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