she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
