I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
