"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
