why didn't you poke me back
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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