phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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