are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
