I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize