I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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