How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
