Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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