Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
