I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
