first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
