i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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