Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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