you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
