Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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