matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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