Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize