Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
