someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Randomize
