why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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