Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
