whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
