Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
