Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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