I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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