My sheets look like a crime scene.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
