Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
