Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
