Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We had sex on a dog bed..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
