I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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