I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
