if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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