St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Congratulations! We have a period
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