think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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